I miss having you around

Their very own roots have rotted themselves, unusually in an awkward interference. Face to face we see the harm we did to each other, reflecting somewhere from the past.  It's pity they thought, now you will have to accept whats coming next without ever losing these liabilities. Bad habits ruin good intentions - Bad parents always think they have the best intentions. We grow up and realize what you've been shouting about for all these years. At one point he found the answer by being a coward, taking the easiest way out of responsibility.  Medicate until he is almost non existence but depending on his conscience and inner strength. He found values like ships sailing away in a lucid cloud. This seems as if I wondered into a dream..

LOST ALONE AND AFRAID..

I quit, I left..

I was vital I was invincible I was determined, and you decided to say nothing. 

That year they knew. They knew what has to be done, its just about letting the best of it go. Somethings are very difficult in his life to somethings effectively warned them both. 

Tick Tock tick tock.. Tick Tock. Sounds of my life fading away?

The Clocks Laughing At Me 

Time Has Zero Disregard
Seems like at the most important points in my life i have looked to the time to clear up tragedy. To prevent the mundane, listless existence in which i tend to lose the best parts of myself. We measure existence in a numerical manner to eventually determine our fate, the most inevitable and relevant outcome. We would like to believe that our lives from infancy to elderly stretches on forever but the truth is our lives are not even a speck not even a blur or mark on past existence. Time will determine the outcome of anything and everything that has ever existence. Making time a bit of a scholar, we need permissions and guidance. If i could walk hand in hand with mother time beholder of all that is real and all that has been created (on a timeline scale) i would have the best question, i would be content with leaving my conscience behind to a planet that also has a timeline and also has a life span like our own.

When my mind is useful and I actually pay attention to something else besides the time, It doesn't hold any weight on my shoulders. I look back in smaller fragments and watch it collide with all of its phases _ seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks to months to years to nothing else but an eternity without a conscience and a firm understanding of what's real. Time leads to death always. Time leads to many things but time ends with death in the grand scheme of our lives - We share the same things mercifully and we hold on tight to our beliefs. This is actually a moment you define and comprehend the word respect.

Somethings we were not meant to understand; Unanswered so we can have some gratitude.

Seasons change and months collide, time moves on and we look back with fewer regrets. I often think back to when i was young and had less faith in life. This defiance and thinking i knew everything! I ruled the word and there was nothing you could tell me. Now i watch the orbit, the movements, the theory. Understanding life is painful - Living in life is beautiful. The questions of all time, questions that will never be answer in reason allows me to transform and drift off into a deep though; Daydream.

Are we along in the universe?
How are things so perfect?
After mass amounts of time, atoms eventually manipulated each other flowing with other elements and here we are? Really? Is this the part where most religious fanatics cast faith like spells to lie to people about the brutal and frightening truth we call "life."

Death?
I think about not controlling my conscience, not having a conscience. The one thing that allows me perceive reality. Allows me to understand objectives and problem solve. Will i know after death that i at least got a chance to live? Why me? Out of 300,000,000 possibilities from my fathers seeds and my mothers DNA/Egg. The infinite ways people are themselves - I could have been someone else which in return not knowing what existing even was?

I do love how everything generates (lives/Dies) in circles/cycles - Where there is balance there is stability and everything feeds off one another or feeds into one another. Even the earths hidden core has influence on cycles and systems. Our sun, the solar system. Atmosphere; Containing life, supporting life, influencing life - We are so lucky.

My biggest concern is understanding how space in infinite? No boundaries, no walls, no end. Our minds can think of space but we will never really comprehend its true value.

Most people think this is owe to them. Most people don't care to much for it. Most people feel so lucky and joyless. Most people are easily manipulated - Me? I'm a realist a bit of a thinker. Knows there only one promise to us all and it the hardest thing to reason with. Death; Not existing; To be forgotten; Lost among all the rest who died before you and will die after you. Systems will collapse and things will die but SPACE, will always be there. This thick heavy black mass that holds the pieces together will always be.. Defying the very thing we hold so close but can't reason with until the last possible moments..

Life is quick - Before we know it are only opportunity to breathe and feel the sun are over.

Be Happy, Live Well :) 

Look Guardians!

I was fonder of sunshine masking, Making, recreating particles. Endless mass amounts of space stretch on farther than my mind can handle - I am in these places. We day dream while you talk louder and louder to get our attention. I have become jaded, simple and out of reason. Tossing words to paper like mindless and miserable coded abilities to which you no longer cast your attention to hopeless drowning bits. Lets believe we are flawless and unforgettable, shameless but unorganized. Mind unspoken dreary eyes to easily paint a perfect picture while you hang it where you rest your head at night. Fatigued, we are riddled - Our thoughts consumed, our lives remedially challenged.

Starting over new

She says very bluntly: Lets start over, lets make things better than they were? Living abroad for so long now you see situations not so familiar - Familiar smells, sounds and sights rapidly begin to change. It sad-ens you and you begin to medicate. Contracts keep you grounded and unable to have the room to breath, the ability to go and do whatever it is you want to do. I dont expect most to understand - I'm 25, deployed and in a country where the tension is so thick i find myself taking deeper breaths and finding humility. I volunteered for this just solely for an education - These experiences shows me how bad it can get without it. 

Listless - Almost Time To Move On.

 - There is always a means to an end, there will always be a bigger picture. Cause and effect stands still, quietly waiting for my day out of this organization and back with civil liberties and whatever salvaged dignity.